What Each Enneagram Types Desperately Wants to Hear About Themselves (2/3) – Type 2, Type 3 and Type 4

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What Each Enneagram Types Desperately Wants to Hear About Themselves (2/3) – Type 2, Type 3 and Type 4

Last week, we focused on what messages the gut-centered Type 1s, 8s and 9s want to hear about themselves.

This week, we turn our attention to the heart-centered Type 2s, 3s and 4s.

Type 2s

Message They Want To Hear:

“You are worthy to be loved for who you are, whether we need your help or not.”

At a young age, the Type 2 learns that in order to get the attention and love they so badly crave for, they need to put themselves in a position to offer help to others around them. They see that as the only way to justify their worth to be loved.

However, this is where the 2s become intrusive and needy. This is also why when their help is rejected, they get defensive and stubborn in even acknowledging that the help they want to offer may not be the help that is needed at that time.

So here is my invitation for the Type 2s – start loving yourself more and see your own worth, despite others not needing you. You are deserved to be loved because you are lovable in your own ways, and not because of the help you give.

Type 3s  

Message They Want To Hear:  

“It is okay to be loved for who you are, despite your weaknesses and flaws.”

The Type 3s are always on the move and when asked if they want to be loved for who they are, they take a really long pause. From young, they believed that the love they get from their parents is linked to what they achieve, and that without these achievements, they are not worthy to be loved because of their weakneses and flaws.

But I would like to tell our Type 3s that you can be loved for who you are – that your flaws just make you human. There is no need to achieve and do more to be deserving of love. Take a moment to stop and appreciate yourself. You are worth the time to get to know and to be loved.

Type 4s

Message They Want To Hear:

“I see you for who you really are.”

Type 4s often feel that they are unworthy of being loved – that their deep emotions causes people to leave them, instead of seeing their emotions as who they authentically are. In a society where feelings are often brushed aside for efficiency, Type 4s often feel isolated and misunderstood.

To our Type 4s, I would like you to know that open your eyes (and your heart) to the ways that people in your life are already affirming who you really are. Notice the people who have stepped up and have shown you that they love and see you for who you really are. Appreciate them and with a grateful heart, tell them how much they mean to you in your own special way.

On that heartfelt note,  I would like to say to everyone who may have a Type 2, 3 and 4 in their life: show them that they are loved for who they are and that they are enough. Affirm them through your words and do let them know what you appreciate about them. This will go a long way for them to see their real worth through their own eyes and not through the eyes of others.


If you feel affirmed by any of these messages and are aching to know more about yourself through the Enneagram framework, do contact us to find out how you can use your SkillsFuture credits to offset our course fees and when the next available course dates are. We look forward to hearing from you!

Cindy Leong
Cindy Leong
Cindy Leong is a sought after bilingual (English and Mandarin) Enneagram Personality Coach and Corporate Trainer in Asia, who can help you make sense of your professional and personal relationships. She is a member of International Coach Federation (ICF) and Singapore Psychological Society (SPS). Besides a Bachelor Degree in Psychology (majoring in Communications), she also has a Diploma in Business and has done in-depth research and studies in the areas of Organisational Behaviour and Gender Communications, both in Singapore and Taiwan. Through her expertise in corporate executive coaching, personal development, and relationship coaching, she has helped many professionals in their walk through challenging times, particularly in the areas of identity searching, relationship building and career breakthrough. Aside from being a published author of 2 books, she has also been invited by several radio stations and magazines as an expert guest speaker to provide insights into Enneagram, workplace conflicts and relationships.
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