CONSULT A RELATIONSHIP EXPERT #02 (C.A.R.E. SERIES) – MY BOYFRIEND IS EXTREMELY CLINGY AND IT’S ANNOYING ME
I have been with my boyfriend for a couple of months now but I’ve known him for about 2-3 years. Since we are not supposed to go out and spend time together, he has been very clingy, and I found myself getting irritated. He would send me long messages whenever I would take some time to respond to him. He would always assume that I am “mad” or we are “not okay”. What can I do in this situation?
I’m sorry to hear that you and your boyfriend are having trouble during this period. It is indeed more challenging to feel connected and secure with our relationships given the current situation. I will share some tips that I hope will help strengthen your relationship.
First, you need to have a heart to heart talk with your boyfriend about his actions. Encourage him to talk about the reason why he thinks you’re “mad” when you fail to respond to him quickly. Try to find his deep-seated issues and work with him to overcome it (if he’s worth the effort). Be more compassionate and generous with your love and appreciation.
Second, set your boundaries and communicate it with him. Make him understand that while you appreciate his love and the attention he is giving, that you still need your space and that you value your “me time”. Explain to him that it’s not healthy to spend the whole day talking to each other as you still have separate lives to live. Communicate to him that his neediness is pushing you away. Talk about your expectations and try to work on straightening the issues.
Third, encourage him to do things for himself. Remind him of the activities he enjoys, the goals he wanted to achieve or skills he wanted to learn. Tell him you’re happy to see him working on his goals and achieving them.
You may also would want to read about Enneagram Type 6. From what I’ve gathered from your letter, security is a big issue for him.
I hope these tips will help you work out your relationship. I wish you all the best!
*Name(s) have been changed to protect the privacy of the individual.
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