How Enneagram Type Deals With Sadness – Type 4
This week, let us round off our look at the heart-centered types by focusing on the most expressive Type of this triad: the Type 4s.
Type 4s when dealing with sadness
The Type 4s cope with their sadness through introjection; this is when 4s often
internalize their hurts, pains and yes, sadness as a way to form a shield around their hearts to protect them.
When 4s use introjection as a coping mechanism, when waves of sadness in a situation washes over them, they often not only feel their own sadness but also take on the sadness of the people closest to them. This magnifies the weight of sadness in the 4s, which then often leads them to withdraw from the world to deal with the many layers of sadness and their own alone and in private.
4s may have a tendency to over-identify with their sadness and may then find it difficult to shift their focus to the sunnier side of things to help process the sadness and ultimately express them. In such a situation, a 4 may think “If only the people around me can give me what I need to process this sadness, then things would be better” which may then lead them to not take an active role in dealing with their sadness on their own.
What to say to a Type 4 dealing with sadness
➢ “While it is inspiring to us that you see beauty in your sadness, let’s sit down and you tell me why you are sad. I will listen as you verbally process this.”
➢ “I see you and I want to hear about what is making you sad. Will you allow me to be there for you like you have been there for me?”
➢ “Now that I have heard what you are sad about, do you know what you would like to do about making yourself happy again?”
An Encouragement to our Type 4s
Your feelings are valid and your deep expression of your feelings is what makes you unique. However, remember that life has both downs and ups – so after you have processed your sadness, remember to find someone you trust to be there for you to listen to what you have to say and journey with you as you climb out of your sadness again.
For anyone with a Type 4 in your life, do not ever rush their processing, especially if they began to express what is making them sad in their lives. Listen actively to them and focus on them as a person and not try to fix whatever you think needs fixed. Be there for them.
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