CONSULT A RELATIONSHIP EXPERT #02 (C.A.R.E. SERIES) – MY BOYFRIEND IS EXTREMELY CLINGY AND IT'S ANNOYING ME

CONSULT A RELATIONSHIP EXPERT #02 (C.A.R.E. SERIES) – MY BOYFRIEND IS EXTREMELY CLINGY AND IT’S ANNOYING ME

Dear Cindy,

I have been with my boyfriend for a couple of months now but I’ve known him for about 2-3 years. Since we are not supposed to go out and spend time together, he has been very clingy, and I found myself getting irritated. He would send me long messages whenever I would take some time to respond to him. He would always assume that I am “mad” or we are “not okay”. What can I do in this situation?

Brenda

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Dear Brenda,

I’m sorry to hear that you and your boyfriend are having trouble during this period. It is indeed more challenging to feel connected and secure with our relationships given the current situation. I will share some tips that I hope will help strengthen your relationship.

First, you need to have a heart to heart talk with your boyfriend about his actions. Encourage him to talk about the reason why he thinks you’re “mad” when you fail to respond to him quickly. Try to find his deep-seated issues and work with him to overcome it (if he’s worth the effort). Be more compassionate and generous with your love and appreciation.

Second, set your boundaries and communicate it with him. Make him understand that while you appreciate his love and the attention he is giving, that you still need your space and that you value your “me time”. Explain to him that it’s not healthy to spend the whole day talking to each other as you still have separate lives to live. Communicate to him that his neediness is pushing you away. Talk about your expectations and try to work on straightening the issues.

Third, encourage him to do things for himself. Remind him of the activities he enjoys, the goals he wanted to achieve or skills he wanted to learn. Tell him you’re happy to see him working on his goals and achieving them.

You may also would want to read about Enneagram Type 6. From what I’ve gathered from your letter, security is a big issue for him.

I hope these tips will help you work out your relationship. I wish you all the best!

Much love,

Cindy

*Name(s) have been changed to protect the privacy of the individual.

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About the Author: Cindy Leong

Cindy Leong is a sought after bilingual (English and Mandarin) Enneagram Personality Coach and Corporate Trainer in Asia, who can help you make sense of your professional and personal relationships. She is a member of International Coach Federation (ICF) and Singapore Psychological Society (SPS). Besides a Bachelor Degree in Psychology (majoring in Communications), she also has a Diploma in Business and has done in-depth research and studies in the areas of Organisational Behaviour and Gender Communications, both in Singapore and Taiwan. Through her expertise in corporate executive coaching, personal development, and relationship coaching, she has helped many professionals in their walk through challenging times, particularly in the areas of identity searching, relationship building and career breakthrough. Aside from being a published author of 2 books, she has also been invited by several radio stations and magazines as an expert guest speaker to provide insights into Enneagram, workplace conflicts and relationships.