So far in this series, we have covered how society dictates how a Type 8 lady and a Type 4 man should function which often leads them to either suppress themselves, or even try to ‘revamp’ themselves to be someone they are not.
Today, we turn our attention to the Type 2 man and the challenges he faces in society at large.
The Type 2s’ focus is on the people around them. Type 2s have this special ability to meet your unspoken needs – needs that you have not outwardly expressed and yet because of their sensitive nature, they are able to provide immediately the very thing that would meet your needs at that very moment. Often, they would go out of their way, to the point of rescheduling appointments in their day, to do something for someone.
It should come as no surprise to you, that when I ask the participants in my Enneagram workshops, which gender they would normally associate the Type 2s with, the answer is again – female and on top of that, they normally think of their mothers when I go through the worldview and traits of this Type.
So, imagine a Type 2 man who is as nurturing and attentive as a mother can be, society can misconstrue his intentions as being a ‘flirt’ or a ‘Casanova’. Growing up, being ‘motherly’ as a boy, the Type 2 was also told by their family that behaving that way was weak; that they should learn to be more of a man and not potter around the house taking care of everyone’s needs in the family. Type 2 boys are often taught at an early age that it is a dog-eat-dog world and that being nice is not going to get them very far in life. That is when the Type 2 boy grows up suppressing his naturally giving and nurturing side and in the end, become lost and angry men because they lose themselves whilst subscribing to the ‘nice guys finish last’ mentality that has been drilled into them.
Type 2 men often find themselves being taken advantage because of their giving nature, especially when they have a ‘saviour’ mentality, where they often meet women who manipulate their need to be needed by treating them as emotional crutches and support, or often taking these Type 2 men for a ride. These women do not really intend to be in a relationship with them but instead use these Type 2 men to fulfil their own emotional needs and then are brushed aside with the often used ‘You are a nice guy but this is not working out for me’ routine when they tire of their constant attention and care.
At a panel interview during one of the Enneagram Level 1 workshops I had conducted, one Type 2 man recounted how he would always fall in love with the ‘damsel in distress’. He then shared, rather painfully, that when he realised that he was being taken for a ride (to the point of paying for all her expenses even though she’s cheating on him) and that the girl had valued what he had given in terms of love and attention, instead of who he really was, it was too late.
And yet, prior to coming for the course, he saw the pattern of being taken advantage of and yet still did nothing to protect himself and his heart by not engaging in the saviour mentality. He came to me asking, “Cindy, why am I always attracting these ‘bad’ woman?” However, after the course, he said that when he realised that the growth of a Type 2 is to be able to set personal boundaries; and that he is worthy to be loved for who he is and not what he gives, that had set him free to not feel bad about taking care of his own needs. He also realised that setting healthy boundaries with the people in his life, and saying ‘no’ when needed, is also a form of self-care.
To our Type 2 men, here is my encouragement. Your giving and nurturing heart is a beautiful thing and it is in the giving of yourself that you make this world an infinitely warmer and kinder place. However, please also know that you are not just put on this Earth to be a helper to others; you are also worthy enough to be loved and to receive help from others as well. So, please, don’t keep on focusing on other people’s needs whilst forgetting yourself. Care less for others (in a healthy way) and learn to give from a place of self-love and self-worth.
For the people who have Type 2 men in your life, do not abuse the trust and the love that they give to you. Learn to appreciate them for the help they give you by saying genuinely ‘Thank you’ and ‘I appreciate you’ and also give back to them by helping them meet their needs. Help the Type 2 men in your life learn that having their needs taken care of is as much of a blessing as it is for them to take care of others.
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