Last week, we discussed how societal expectations place certain challenges on a Type 8 lady.

Today, we shift our focus on another Enneagram Type that society has deemed that he should behave in a certain way because of his gender — the Type 4 men.

Type 4s see the beauty in the smallest things and they are created to express the beauty they see with their most authentic voice. They use their emotions to engage the people around them and are able to support others when they are emotionally down because they are able to hold the space for someone else in their bad times.

As usual, during my training sessions, I will ask the participants which gender they would usually associate the empathetic, expressive and emotionally rich Type 4s with. Again, the unanimous answer – Female.

But in our trainings, we usually see more Type 4 men than their female counterparts. Yes, you read it correctly – more Type 4 men than women attend our courses.

The harsh realities of being a Type 4 man begins at childhood. In their growing up years, they are being told that “boys do not cry”, that being “emotional is wrong” and that “they should not express their feelings so much”. Thus, the suppression of the male Type 4s begin in the growing up years.

Type 4s are told by society to not express their emotions because it is illogical and unbecoming of a man. Some Type 4 men have suppressed their emotions to a point when they feel apathy and self-denial that they are emotional creatures at their core.

Society has taught them to reject their gift of being emotionally deep and charismatic. However, a Type 4 man at his best creates amazing masterpieces that is one of a kind. Think Michael Jackson and his moonwalk, Tony Leung and his masterful acting, which he achieves through emotional expressions using only his eyes in many of his movies and JJ Lin’s ability to move you to tears with his impactful and soulful lyrics. So when a Type 4 man is told not to go deep into their emotions, we are robbing the world of a person who is able to serve the world with his unique gifts.

One Type 4 man, who went to an elite school, was told by his father that being emotional is not good and that emotions would hamper his progress to his end goal of being the best in the school.

But he knew something was missing and it was not right for him to suppress his emotions. After attending the course, he found the missing piece – the meaning of behind what he is doing and who he was at his core. After identifying his Type (and owning it), he is now able to own his emotions and connect with people on a deeper level. Experiences with people are more meaningful for him now. So much so that he had quipped, “I find that being more in touch with my emotions allows me to go deep with my interactions with people which makes the relationships he has more meaningful and real for me”.

Another Type 4, before attending our Enneagram Course, was not able to harness the power of his emotions and often drive it to a very dark place. But after attending the course, he is now able to tap on the positive side of his deep reservoir of emotions, to drive him forward in his life to achieve positive outcomes. “Emotion is a double edged sword. I have found the courage to own it and channel it to a more positive place to serve my team and my community”.

To our Type 4 men, here is my encouragement. Your ability to speak to the heart of the matter and to see beauty in the most minute things is a beautiful gift that should be shared with the world and not suppressed. Your emotions allows you to find strength in your vulnerability and it definitely is not a weakness, no matter what people tell you.

For the people who have Type 4 men in your life, appreciate them for what they bring to your life: warmth, authenticity and deep emotional support in a way that only they can provide. These men are strong because they connect deeply to their emotions and are unafraid to show it when they are allowed to fully express themselves in their most authentic voice. Let them show you how beautiful life can be, don’t be afraid to go on that journey with them.

Interested to know how the Enneagram can help you find your true authentic self? Contact us today to find out more. By claiming your SkillsFuture credits, this course is practically free! Link up with us today!