As a parent myself, I am aware that there are countless of ways where I can support and love my children. Using the lens of the Enneagram, I am also very aware that both of my children would like to be loved for who they are and not who I think they are.

So, in this series, I would like to explore how we can validate each Enneagram Type as a child through what we do and say.

Today, we begin with the Type 3s, 7s and 8s.

Type 3 – The Achiever

In our society, which is fast paced and driven by achievements, the Type 3 child finds themselves very drawn to being competitive and achievement focused in school.

However, in their fast paced pursuit for achievements, they do not take the time to reflect on the little successes that they have already achieved. They are very hard on themselves when they fail to achieve their goals because they may believe that without their achievements, they are not worthy enough to be loved for who they are.

Ways To Bring Up A Type 3 Child

  • Celebrate the small successes with them (e.g. when they complete that piece of difficult homework; when they are able to independently complete a household chore successfully);
  • Comfort them when they are processing their failure to achieve. Show them that failure is just a stepping stone in the journey towards what they want to achieve;
  • Tell them the things you love about them and not just for their achievements.

Type 7 – The Enthusiast

Type 7 children have a bubbly nature and are very enthusiastic about their experiences, people and life in general. People gravitate to them because they know where the 7s are, sunshine and fun awaits.

However, they can be easily distracted and when they need to stick to a routine, they tend to become disruptive with their insistence of moving around to ‘experience’ their learning.

Ways To Bring Up A Type 7 Child

  • Put small rewards en route to motivate them to complete a task or routine;
  • Have moments of quiet with them by reading a book or even just cuddling to help them be comfortable with being still;
  • Bring their lessons to life by bringing them out to experience them (e.g. when they learn about animals in the classroom, bring them out to the zoo to allow them to experience what they have learnt in real life)

Type 8 – The Challenger

A Type 8 child can be very protective about their loved ones and would challenge anyone who would dare to step over the people they care about.

However, in our Asian society, a Type 8 child may seem brash, arrogant and intimidating, instead of being decisive, confident and authoritative. They may not also talk about their feelings because in their world, vulnerability and emotions are weak.

Ways To Bring Up A Type 8 Child

  • Give them perceived control where the Type 8 child still needs to do the required action but seems to have the control of ‘choice’ (e.g. Time to brush your teeth! Do you want this toothbrush or this toothbrush). This will help you engage them even when they are pushing against your boundaries as a parent.
  • Teach them to express their anger in a healthier way (e.g. to vent out their frustrations on a ‘punching pillow’) and teach them to pause before they react in anger by taking in 10 deep breaths;
  • Encourage them to be okay in looking into their fears and anxieties. Assure them that they are not weak in sharing these emotions with you.

On that note, I would like to leave you with this encouragement – Be kind to yourself on your bad days and know that you are doing your best every single day for your children. I hope that this series will help you to see your child as who they are and foster better relationships between the both of you.

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Did any of these resonate with you? Why not contact us to find out the next available dates for our Enneagram Level 1 courses and how you can use your SkillsFuture credits to offset the course fees! Looking forward to hearing from you soon!