Here’s How You Push People Away, Based on Your Enneagram Type (Part 1 of 3)

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Here’s How You Push People Away, Based on Your Enneagram Type (Part 1 of 3)

In our previous article, we discussed about behaviours that push people away, the repercussions, and how to fix the relationship. Here, we will take a closer look at what each Enneagram Type may do unconsciously, that can push people away.

Type 1 (The Perfectionist)

The pragmatic and hard-working Type 1 could be set in their own ways of what is right and wrong. If someone would offer a different perspective, they may be stubborn to consider another idea as they are confident with what works for them. People might find it hard to work and collaborate with a Type 1 if they start imposing high-standards on others, lacks humour, and is overly-critical. They can be crude with their comments, which can potentially be hurtful to someone.

Type 1’s need to learn to be patient and embrace imperfection, of themselves and others. Realize that being open to different opinions and new perspectives can help them gain more insights and goodwill. Leading by inspiring others – not through criticism.

Type 2 (The Helper)

The generous and loving Type 2’s can push people away when they start being co-dependent. They can be possessive and controlling when they feel a lack of reciprocity and appreciation from others. If they become overly helpful, people will feel pressured and obligated to accept and return the favor. Emotional manipulation may also come into play, which can be very damaging to another person’s mental health.

Twos need to learn to redirect their generosity to themselves to avoid needing somebody else for love and attention. Self-love should always be a priority as it will fuel them from within and enable them to give love from a humble, truly selfless, and healthy space.

Type 3 (The Performer)

Goal-oriented and extremely driven Type 3’s, their “dedication to work” can also be a form of workaholism. They might neglect to spend time with people because they can’t satiate their need to tick off things on their to-do list. Their approach to relationships can be very transactional, KPI-driven, focusing on “what’s in it for me?” rather than appreciating it as it is. This could come across as insincere and agenda-driven.

Threes need to learn to detach self-worth with work or their success. Realize that success doesn’t rest on the shoulder of one person alone. Maintaining a balance between work and rest as well as time for loved ones is essential to keep their mind and body healthy and maintain relationships. They need to just simply enjoy the journey with the people who loved them.


Do you know someone who needs to read this? Don’t be shy, and share this with them. Remember: self-awareness is key.

Enneagram Type 4, 5, and 6 are up next. Stay tuned for Part 2 of this series.


Cindy Leong
Cindy Leong
Cindy Leong is a sought after bilingual (English and Mandarin) Enneagram Personality Coach and Corporate Trainer in Asia, who can help you make sense of your professional and personal relationships. She is a member of International Coach Federation (ICF) and Singapore Psychological Society (SPS). Besides a Bachelor Degree in Psychology (majoring in Communications), she also has a Diploma in Business and has done in-depth research and studies in the areas of Organisational Behaviour and Gender Communications, both in Singapore and Taiwan. Through her expertise in corporate executive coaching, personal development, and relationship coaching, she has helped many professionals in their walk through challenging times, particularly in the areas of identity searching, relationship building and career breakthrough. Aside from being a published author of 2 books, she has also been invited by several radio stations and magazines as an expert guest speaker to provide insights into Enneagram, workplace conflicts and relationships.
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