Dear Cindy,

Throughout this whole Circuit Breaker period, I realised that I couldn’t live without my girlfriend. Now I’m thinking of marrying her. What should I consider first before moving on with this plan?

 

Thanks,

Cody*

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Hi Cody,

Before proposing and making plans about getting married, you need to ensure that both of you are looking at an aligned future together. See if you’ve already had these discussions with your girlfriend, or at least you can start looking into them now:

 

  1. Values and future goals

Ask yourself and your girlfriend if you both have the same values when it comes to marriage, commitment, loyalty, work ethics and parenting? Do you both want/don’t want to have kid/s? If both of you would like to have kid/s, when would you want to have them? How much do you want to be involved in parenting?

Do you both want to settle in the same place? Do you plan on exploring career opportunities in a different country? How important is religion for both of you? What are some non-negotiable values?

You may also refer to my previous advice here.

 

  1. Finances

Does anyone of you have outstanding debt? Will you be open to sharing a bank account with your partner? Or would you like to have separate accounts? Or both? How much will each of you contribute to the shared account? What type of house do you want to live in? Which area do you want to live? Would you like to have a car?

Do you both have similar views on spending, saving and investing? Where to draw the boundaries? How to reconcile the differences?

Remember, most marriages end because of money– so having this sorted out is almost half of the battle to the many challenges you both have to face.

 

  1. Family arrangements

Would you like to have your in-laws stay with the both of you? How much time do you want to spend time with your family? Would you like to have both of your parents during the holidays?

These questions might be hard to talk about, but you must do and figure out if both of you are on the same page. Or if not, discuss how you are going to work things out.

I hope this helped and wishing you all the best in your relationship!

 

Much love,

Cindy

 

 

*Name(s) have been changed to protect the privacy of the individual.

 

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