A Relationship Coach’s 5 Tips To Build A Happy Marriage And Prevent Divorce

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A Relationship Coach’s 5 Tips To Build A Happy Marriage And Prevent Divorce

Trouble can brew in paradise. We tap on relationship expert Cindy Leong of Relationship Studio on how you can strengthen your marriage and avoid signing the divorce papers.

Married to the one you love? Congrats—you (and everyone else really) deserve all the happiness in the world.

But trouble can and does happen in paradise. Korean golden couple Song Joong Ki and Song Hye Kyo divorced after two years of marriage while Johnny Depp and Amber Heard split about a year after tying the knot. And ICYMI, Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus are now separated after just seven months of getting hitched.

And if you think that you’ll be spared from marital turbulence because you dated your husband for a couple of years before getting married, you just might be surprised.

“It’s not about how long you guys dated for, but what you guys made of the time together,” says Cindy Leong, a relationship coach at Relationship Studio. “You could have been with him five years but did nothing together. Or you could have been with him six months and did self-development courses together in a bid to understand each other better.”

She adds that even when you’ve been with the same person for a long time, you guys may not necessarily have everlasting marital bliss because 1. your view of the relationship might be flawed, 2. your partner may not have revealed his true self during all these years.

Want to do your best in keeping your marriage happy and healthy? Cindy shares five tips.

Photo: Tyler Nix on Unsplash

 

#1 Stay curious about each other

“It’s important to stay curious about your partner. Don’t assume that you know everything about him or her.”

#2 Be willing to keep trying

‘You might feel tired from having to try repeatedly or you might feel like you’re the only one who’s trying. But you’ve got to remember that he might be trying in ways that you don’t see.”

Also read: THE ONE THING THAT CAN KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE FROM GETTING DULL

#3 Practise compassion

“Everybody’s struggles are different and you guys probably struggle with different things, so it’s important to to practise compassion and see how you can support and complement each other.”

Compassion can tend to diminish over time, as compared to when your relationship was fresh and new. Practicing compassion first starts with being attentive to your partner’s needs, and listening to their thoughts. Don’t dismiss their feelings, no matter how absurd you think they are, because everyone feels and processes things differently. Seek to understand where your loved one is coming from without interjecting it with your own opinions.

#4 Be interdependent

“When a couple is in a relationship, it’s no good to be too dependent (too needy), co-dependent (feeding on each other’s ego), or independent (too distant). It can be quite unhealthy, so you should learn to strike a balance and be interdependent.”

Unlike being co-dependent (which can involve trying to always please the other, controlling behaviors and the like), the dynamics of the relationship focuses on having each partner recognise and cherish their emotional bond while sustaining their own individual sense of self. This also includes having healthy boundaries and communication, and cultivating your own self esteem.

#5 Strength communication

When there’s conflict, you should manage the pace of the communication. Some people take a shorter time to process their emotions and thoughts while others require more time. Don’t be too quick to judge and work on a timeline as to when to talk things out.”

 

This article is featured in HerWorld Magazine. Written by Adora Wong & Michelle Lee on 15 August 2019.

Cindy Leong
Cindy Leong
Cindy Leong is a sought after bilingual (English and Mandarin) Enneagram Personality Coach and Corporate Trainer in Asia, who can help you make sense of your professional and personal relationships. She is a member of International Coach Federation (ICF) and Singapore Psychological Society (SPS). Besides a Bachelor Degree in Psychology (majoring in Communications), she also has a Diploma in Business and has done in-depth research and studies in the areas of Organisational Behaviour and Gender Communications, both in Singapore and Taiwan. Through her expertise in corporate executive coaching, personal development, and relationship coaching, she has helped many professionals in their walk through challenging times, particularly in the areas of identity searching, relationship building and career breakthrough. Aside from being a published author of 2 books, she has also been invited by several radio stations and magazines as an expert guest speaker to provide insights into Enneagram, workplace conflicts and relationships.
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