As an Enneagram practitioner whose purpose is to help people unlock their Enneagram Types, I have been blessed to see people get clarity and gain liberty from knowing their Types. Sometimes, the opposite does happen. I also see people rejecting their Type because society and its culture has taught them that they are “not supposed ” to act that way.

Cultural overlays do cause some Types to suppress who they are at their core. But why and how does this happen? That is what this series intends to explore and discuss.

Now, fair warning, these posts may contain a few hard truths and unpopular opinions. The intention here is not to point fingers at anyone; it is to simply open up a discussion and an awareness that such situations do exist. Hopefully, it also gets you thinking.

Now that we have gotten that out of the way, let’s focus on the Type 8s in today’s post.

Type 8s are natural leaders. Their aura can be felt as soon as they step into the room, immediately commanding your attention. They can be loud, intimidating and direct. When they get angry, they tend to express it in an explosive manner.

Whenever I ask participants which gender would they naturally think a Type 8 would be, the answer is unanimous: Male.

But, we have Type 8 ladies in our midst. Type 8 ladies, who in the Asian culture that we live in, are often told that they are too bossy, that they would not ever find a life partner if they do not tone down and that they should learn to be more submissive. In other words, change who they are at their core to fit our Asian society’s definition of how ladies should act.

Type 8 ladies often face the challenge of being in a culture where women are seen and should not be heard. As girls, they are often told that their role is in the kitchen and are trained to be more submissive to their future husbands. This is particularly seen in cultures and countries where ladies are seen as weaker to their male counterparts. But Type 8 ladies, at their core, have the same fire and will as the Type 8 men. Would you ask a Type 8 man to be less of who he is? If no, why would you ask a Type 8 lady to do so?

I remember when I was being interviewed in a neighboring country, with a Type 8 female writer. She shared her struggle about being a Type 8 in the culture and country she is in. Constrained by the societal expectations there, she learnt to be less outspoken and authoritative. But one day, she decided that enough was enough. She was not going to suppress who she is and how she feels, simply because society told her she should behave in a certain way. She began to ‘let it out’ and be herself and even though she knows she scares people, she told me frankly that she did not care and that her happiness is more important. Being who she really is is more important than what others thought of her. And of course, whether her peers and family are able to accept her for being the way she is now, is another story altogether.

Then there are some ladies who refuse to even acknowledge they are Type 8s because they think ‘it is not right’.

I had one lady who attended the Level 1 course and her test results showed her as a particular Type, which we later found out was not her Type after all. Our body language suggests our Types too. From the way she sat and in the way she said certain things in the ‘wrong’ panel, the clues to her being Type 8 were very obvious. This was confirmed on the spot by her that she felt more connected to the worldview of the Type 8 and asked “What is wrong for being that way?”. That was when she realized that she had been ‘rejecting’ her Type because she did not want to be seen as aggressive, and more importantly, wanted to be seen as a demure, lovable lady.

I later found out that whilst she was doing the test, she recognized the traits of the Type 8 in the questions she answered. She then proceeded to deliberately place these traits on a lower score. She said that in her growing up years, she was often told that these traits were ‘not right’ for a woman to have. So, she suppressed herself to the point of not even wanting to acknowledge them.

Thankfully, after attending our course, she found out that who she is is perfectly normal. She can now embrace her gifts as a Type 8. Armed with that clarity, she can fully accept herself and achieve greater self-mastery to maneuver within societal expectations without denying her core.

To the Type 8 ladies who are internally screaming “What is wrong for being that way?”, I assure you that there is nothing wrong for being the way that you are. But you must first accept yourself and realize that the gifts you possess as an 8 can be a blessing to mankind. Then also acknowledge that within certain cultures, displaying these traits may be very intimidating to the people around you. But with acceptance and clarity of who you are, coupled with the self-knowledge provided by the Enneagram, you would then be able to better communicate your needs and motivations to the people around you. This will help others appreciate you for who you really are.

We all crave to be loved and understood. So, let’s start getting to know others for who they really are instead of looking at them through the tinted glass of societal expectations.

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Would you like to know who you are at your core? Come join us for a personal exploratory journey in our Enneagram Level 1 course! Contact us today to find out more. Did we mention that you can use your SkillFuture credits to offset the course fees? You can! So don’t wait any longer!