Dear Cindy,

My girlfriend and I decided to take a break away from each other to focus on ourselves and work. Tension is building up between us, so we mutually agreed this is the best course for both of us. We were living together for at least over a year and got engaged by the end of 2019. Now I’m crippled with anxiety as she’s been very distant towards me. I understand that she’s been busy, as her work is part of the essential services. I wanted to meet up with her, but I know I shouldn’t because of COVID. What can I do to stop getting anxious about our situation? I really need help  🙁

 

– Sam

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Dear Sam,

I’m sorry to hear that you’re experiencing too much anxiety in your relationship at the moment. I can’t imagine having to deal with additional stress, especially during this challenging period which every one of us is going through. I have a few tips for you, which I hope will help you manage your anxiety better and feel more secure in your relationship.

First, you need to manage your expectations.

Most of the time we expect a lot from our relationship, too much sometimes, and this is only damaging our relationships. Now that you two are taking time apart use this time to focus on yourself and try to do things other than thinking about your relationship. Develop hobbies and interest and reconnect with your friends and family. Remember that besides your girlfriend, you are also blessed with other beautiful things in life and it’s time to focus on those things too.

Second, take small steps in managing your anxiety.

Look, if I’m telling you “Don’t think of a pink elephant.” What is the image that’s on your head now? That’s right!  Precisely a pink elephant! Thus, you cannot NOT think about the anxiety. You can only take steps to improve the situation.

Here are a few things you can do:

  1. Question your thought pattern by challenging your fears, ask if they’re true and examine which of these you can control. Only work on those you can control.
  2. Practice focused and deep breathing. Start by breathing in for 4 counts, then hold it for 4 counts and breathing out for 4 counts, do this for at least 5 minutes.
  3. Write down your thoughts. Journaling what makes you anxious can make it less terrifying.

And lastly, keep the communication going but don’t be pushy.

We can be too hooked on our smartphone and get irritated when we don’t get a response quickly. Instead of checking on the phone all the time, do other things that you enjoy and makes you feel relaxed – whether it be reading a book, playing a computer game, completing a puzzle or working on a project.

I hope this helps and I wish you the best!

 

Sincerely,

Cindy

 

*Name(s) have been changed to protect the privacy of the individual.

 

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