CONSULT A RELATIONSHIP EXPERT #05 (C.A.R.E. SERIES) – IS SHE “THE ONE”?

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CONSULT A RELATIONSHIP EXPERT #05 (C.A.R.E. SERIES) – IS SHE “THE ONE”?

Dear Cindy,

I just got into a relationship after being single for quite some time. How do I know if she is the “right” one? What is the difference between purely liking someone and loving someone wholeheartedly?

 

Thanks,

Abel*

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Dear Abel,

Happy to hear that you’re now in a relationship! I hope my answers can give some clarity.

You wanted to know if she’s the “right” one for you. There isn’t really a definite answer for this, nor you’ll be able to figure it out quickly. However, I am sharing for pointers with you to help you with a more informed decision.

Since you just started being in this relationship, I suggest that you just enjoy every moment you spend time with her. Get to know each other on deeper levels to see whether your values and long-term goals align. Take this opportunity to ask each other seemingly tough questions such as:

  • What are some values that are non-negotiable to you?
  • What are your expectations in a relationship?
  • What are your views on marriage?
  • If you want to have kids, what kind of parent would you be?

Most importantly, be willing to be vulnerable. The more you share, the deeper you share without judgment, the earlier you can find ways to make things work and discover if you were meant for each other!

There’s a lot of difference between liking and loving someone. When you like someone you may first focus on their external attributes (liking her face, smile, body, admire her competency at work, etc) but when you love someone it goes beyond physical appearance and external attributes. Although it all begins that way, knowing someone on a deeper level is what leads to love. When you like someone, you stay with them because they make you feel ecstatic, but when you love them, you make a decision to stay with the person, care for them and accept their imperfections. When you like someone, your goal is to impress them so that they will notice you, but when you love someone, you inspire to be your best self because they deserve the best. When you like someone, they seem perfect in your eyes, but if you love them, you are not blind to their imperfections and you accept it.

Most importantly, as yourself, can you go through sufferings with this person? Does the person have a great attitude that could double your joy and half your sorrows during tough times?

I hope this was helpful and I wish you all the best in discovering more about each other in this relationship.

 

Much love,

Cindy

 

 


*Name(s) have been changed to protect the privacy of the individual.


 

IF YOU OR IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO’S GOING THROUGH THIS, DO BOOK A CONSULTATION SESSION AND SPEAK TO US!

 

IF YOU’D LIKE TO SUBMIT YOUR CONCERNS & QUESTIONS, DO CONTACT US HERE !

Cindy Leong
Cindy Leong
Cindy Leong is a sought after bilingual (English and Mandarin) Enneagram Personality Coach and Corporate Trainer in Asia, who can help you make sense of your professional and personal relationships. She is a member of International Coach Federation (ICF) and Singapore Psychological Society (SPS). Besides a Bachelor Degree in Psychology (majoring in Communications), she also has a Diploma in Business and has done in-depth research and studies in the areas of Organisational Behaviour and Gender Communications, both in Singapore and Taiwan. Through her expertise in corporate executive coaching, personal development, and relationship coaching, she has helped many professionals in their walk through challenging times, particularly in the areas of identity searching, relationship building and career breakthrough. Aside from being a published author of 2 books, she has also been invited by several radio stations and magazines as an expert guest speaker to provide insights into Enneagram, workplace conflicts and relationships.
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